Welcome to my Blog: Rethinking Relationship Strategy
Welcome! I’m ecstatic you’re here, consuming a FREE resource I am offering to help improve your relationships – the relationship with yourself and those around you. That’s right, relationships aren’t ALL about romance with others. Relationships start at the core, the relationship with self, and branch out to family relationships, work relationships, friendships and finally romantic and committed partnerships.
I want to begin by sharing where I came from and why I do what I do, because it is a huge part of how I run my practice today. So some insight and background into me. I began my career journey working in Project Management and Finance after graduating with my Bachelors of Science in Public Administration. I focused heavily on Economics in my undergraduate as it was my passion project in college. I love math and working with numbers as well as the integration of strategy and psychology, so Economics and becoming an Economist felt like the perfect fit for me.
What I realize now, although I do sometimes look back on that path un-walked, is, I had a community of individuals, professors and graduate students who I derived so much value from – the relationships specifically. I felt like I was part of a clan, a team; people who wanted to make the world a better place and people who used their time to think deeply and impactfully.
So this was my path…until I met my now ex husband. We did the whole “sweep you off your feet thing” including love letters, passion etc. We had a long distance relationship for a year and a half, then moved in together after college, got married, had children, bought a house. You know, all the ‘normal’ things that people do.
I perceived it as the only option and was extremely distraught when that wasn’t working for me. Er…it was ‘working’ but it didn’t feel right. I remember feeling very stuck. So my solution at the time was just to sit in it. Be stuck and hope that the future would unveil something different, exciting, we’d be in a different position, etc.
Little did I know what my hope would lead to – my husband up and leaving unexpectedly. The gaslighting, the lies…
Here’s the thing…neither of us did anything ‘wrong’ per se, but we weren’t living our lives consciously. We were going through the motions of constructing our own American Dream. This ‘you have everything so you should be happy’ mentality doesn’t work out for most people. Because acquiring stuff and things and people doesn’t create happiness. It comes from within – it comes from knowing yourself, accepting yourself for who you are. It comes from speaking your truth – taking risks. Risks that may leave you feeling a bit lost for a period of time, and trusting that you’ll find your way to the lifestyle you want and deserve as long as you follow your intuition.
When I lost my marriage, I lost that identity of myself. I had identified as a wife and then mother for 9 years all together. With this newfound sense of creativity and open space to utilize it, I flew out to California to train to become the coach I am today. Most days I feel like a therapist, and I run my practice like one. I was fortunate in that I had my Masters Degree under my belt, and now I needed to develop my speciality and get some experience.
I began working with both individuals and couples, and I started to get a feel for what truly meant the most to me.
And this was it: helping people find the truest sense of self, their desires, their needs. Then, learning how to communicate that to others, let go of fears and limiting beliefs, and go for it. Unapologetically. In addition, the art of negotiation in relationship.
My practice is based on the following elements:
Relationship Centered – people want to be connected to other people. Despite what they may say, we can’t ‘do it all ourselves,’ we just don’t know how to ‘do it with other people.’ We must learn. And so I teach these skills.
No Bullsh*t – I’m going to tell you how it is, in a loving way. I won’t paint you a sunshine and fairytales picture. It’s not the reality of what a relationship is. It will be realistic, manageable. We will deal with disappointment. But we have the most success when we work this way.
Traditional – Traditional isn’t right for everyone, but it is right for a lot of people. Nowadays, I think some people stick to this and some rebel against it. Even though the American Dream is not all it’s cracked up to be, you can live a very traditional lifestyle (if you want it!). If this is something you’d like to explore, but in a satisfying way, we can work on this.
Needs/Desires Focused – Often in relationship people forego their individuals needs to tend to the needs of the relationship. With spouses and children, it is easy to put others before ourselves. Doing this for years creates resentment. In my practice, it is important to me to find out who you are and where your deepest desires lie. In my opinion, it is the only way to find true contentment in life.
Sexually Open Minded – I can be very traditional, I am also trained as a Sex Coach. I work with people using a combination of my education and also personal experience. We can talk about kinks and fetishes, we can discuss alternate relationship structures, different sexual identities etc. Sex is an amazing way to express yourself, heal trauma and experience pleasure and satisfaction. A great sex life leads to other areas of contentment in life because it means you can be truly connected to other human beings in an authentic, vulnerable way. I love discussing SEX and INTIMACY and it is a huge part of my practice.