I’m leaving Instagram (and why shame around sex is perpetual)
“I’m leaving Instagram” I said today as I created 4 stories over and over to explain why I could no longer show up on the platform. I have spent countless hours creating heart felt posts, videos and other content to grow my page for marketing purposes.
While this decision did not come lightly (and I had played with the idea before), it came swiftly, finally and confidently. My instagram account is not the first I have had. I closed my previous account in early 2021 based on Instagrams “sweep” of any accounts discussing or sharing any form of sexuality. As you may have noticed based on my title, website etc., I am an Intimacy (sex) and Relationship Coach.
Based on Instagram’s new methodology, they shadow banned or shadow deleted (sounds more clearly like what happened) a number of accounts run by sex therapists, coaches and other professions that work with sex related topics. Now, sex isn’t all I work on – and to be honest, most of the clients I work with who come to me primarily for sex have many other underlying issues that bleed into their intimate lives with their partners. But being free with speaking on sexuality, sharing sexuality, normalizing sexuality has been a huge part of my career.
I am baffled that sexuality is put into this taboo box, constantly, despite the fact that sex is the way babies are made, and according to the American Dream, everyone “should” be getting married and having it to have the babies that they then need to raise happily, healthily etc. Then after that, be quiet, pretend it doesn’t happen – it’s a ‘secret.’ It’s backwards to me.
But nevertheless, Instagram made their choice and made a choice for me. So I stopped growing. I made the decision to terminate that account and create a new one, more PG or PG13, trying to be careful. And I grew some on that account. But unfortunately, when you see 13 year olds lip syncing to a song and “going viral” while you are out there trying to spread the word with real, professional marriage, relationship and intimacy content and growing very little, it becomes tiring. It was exhausting. And further, because my phone number is linked to my account, I believe Instagram had my account flagged, since my old account is one they targeted and essentially shut down.
My anxiety, although I have tools to manage it, would increase when I would create very valuable content that people pay me for, and post for free, and not reach very many users. And so I’ve come to the place where I ask myself, for what is this worth? When I can spend more time doing things like writing/blogging here and elsewhere, connecting REAL TIME with people and growing my business in ways that will reach people in an authentic way.
All that being said, I am leaving Instagram at the end of this week. I do still have a TikTok account and will continue to use it for some time and monitor how I feel. It is crazy to me how much pull social media has on our mental health. And the younger population, preteens, teens, young adults – they are underwater right now from what I see and hear about. There is so much pressure to look or act a certain way. Information is spread instantly, in such a short amount of time that parents cannot keep up with the viral nature of this content. It scares me. And so for my self – and for my children’s future consumption, I am happy to be looking at myself, the way I use social media and making positive choices that will serve as a positive example for them in the future. I’m also ecstatic to be able to show up here for you all and provide valuable information on intimacy and relationships.